Well it has truely been an amazing week. My mummy has been up to keep me company on my week off so She did a 'staycation' for me.

Every night i got an envelope telling me what we were doing the next day.

I have done my garden up for summer, had a sunday lunch out, bought a new car, been to chatsworth house and bakewell to pick up a pudding, had a £100 shopping spree for a new summer wardrobe, been to a spa and had a back massage and had a new hair style (short again from being very long).

I feel well and truely spoilt!

Once i get my new camera i am going to go back to chatsworth and take lots of photos. There is some amazing architecture inside the house and beautiful views all around it. Plus it's an excuse to go and have one of their delicious ice creams again!

I'm really going to miss my mum once she goes. She's been such a rock through all of the upheaval in my life recently. She's currently making a shopping list of things she wants to get for me and my house before she leaves to go home so she knows i am set up for a while.  Going to be strange not having her here looking after me and making me giggle.

It's been hard for the past 2 weeks with everything that has gone on. It's like my brain has finally decided to process it all. My bad dreams are back and my mind feels plagued by a constant innner monologue. When i was having my back massage i couldn't just switch my brain off. I kept going over everything that has happened I just couldn't fully relax and enjoy the massage. In my dreams, he's there shouting at me for no reason and over things that aren't his business anymore. And sometimes she is there trying to be my friend, and dream me goes along with it but in my head i'm shouting at myself as i don't want to be near her.
I read a perfect quote this week, 'you never realise how strong you are, until being strong is the only choice you have'. It just seems to sum up things atm. Everyone keeps saying i've been so strong. I don't feel it, i just feel like i have no choice but to keep going. I cant fall to pieces as i have to go to work and i have animal's lives depend on me doing my job well. I have to go on with my life as moping around wont help anyone.

This week has definately helped me feel pampered but i worry now that i have become used to company in my house again, so once it is just me next week, i'll feel lonely and be left to think even more.

Who knows. Maybe life has some good plans coming my way. This week has definately been amazing. Hoping it is a glimpse of things to come......

Meliae
xxxxx